A eulogy has six parts, and they go in an order that is not the order you write them.

Most people at your kitchen table tonight have material. Fragments, a list on the phone, three stories. What they do not have is a shape, so the fragments sit there refusing to become a speech.

Here is the shape. Six sections, every good eulogy has them, and none of them requires you to be a writer. Before you build all 6, be sure you were asked for a eulogy and not for 2 minutes as one of 3 speakers, because that is a different job: which one were you actually asked for settles it in 2 minutes.

The six sections

• 1. the opening, 60 to 80 wordsIts only job is to stop the room shuffling. It is not a greeting and it is not your name. It is one concrete thing about him, said in the first sentence, before anyone has decided what kind of speech this will be. If you need help with this one specifically, see how to open, and how to end.
• 2. who he was to the people in front of you, 40 wordsOne short section naming what he was to the room: a father, a foreman, the man who ran the bar. This is the only place a summary belongs, and it should be over fast.
• 3. two stories, 150 words eachThe engine. Each story needs a place, an action, and something he actually said. Two told properly beat six mentioned. This is where most of your material goes, and most of the writing time.
• 4. the true thing, 60 wordsOne honest sentence about what he was actually like, including the awkward part. He was stubborn. He was late for everything for 40 years. This is the section that makes the room believe the rest of it, and it is the section almost everyone cuts.
• 5. what he leaves in the people here, 60 wordsNot a legacy paragraph. Specific and small: his phrase in his grandson’s mouth, his tools in your shed, the way his daughter answers the phone.
• 6. the last line, 20 wordsWritten, memorised, and short. Usually something he said, quoted and then left alone. Nothing after it.

Two stories told properly beat six stories mentioned.

That is 4 minutes, which is right

The six sections above come to about 550 words, which reads aloud in a little over 4 minutes. For a room of 90 people that is the correct length. For a room of 20 you can run to 6 minutes. Nothing about a eulogy improves after 8. There is more on this in how long a eulogy should be.

The order to write them in

Not 1 to 6. Written in that order, the opening takes an hour and the stories arrive exhausted. Write it in this order instead.

• 01The two stories first, badly, at speed.no adjectives, no shaping, straight down the page — you are collecting, not writing
• 02The true thing.one sentence, the one you would say to a friend in a car park, not the one for the church
• 03The last line.usually already inside one of the stories — his words, not yours
• 04The opening, now that you know what it is opening.steal the most concrete image from story one and put it in sentence one
• 05Sections 2 and 5, last, to fill the gaps.these are joins, and joins written first become filler

The three sections people leave out

• the true thingCut out of politeness, every time, and it is the section the room is actually waiting for. A eulogy with no edges is heard as a form of absence. One honest line about a fault, said with affection, buys you every kind sentence that follows.
• the quoted voiceNobody quotes the dead man. Two of his own sentences, said the way he said them, put him in the room in a way that no description does.
• the address to one personTen seconds, said directly to his widow, or his mother, or the grandchildren at the back. Not about them. To them, by name, at normal volume.

What does not go in

No biography by dates. No list of jobs and addresses in chronological order. No apology for being nervous. No thanking of the caterers, the hospital or the funeral directors, which belongs to whoever is running the service.

And no poem you found tonight. If a poem was his, read it. If it is there because you cannot fill 4 minutes, the room can tell, and 3 minutes of him beats 5 minutes with a stranger’s verse in the middle.

One page, printed at 18 point, is roughly the whole thing. If your draft is three pages you have written a biography, and the cut is easier than the writing was.

• What is the structure of a eulogy?

  Six sections. An opening of 60 to 80 words that is one concrete thing about him. A short line naming what he was to the room. Two stories of about 150 words each, every one with a place, an action and something he said. One honest sentence about what he was really like. A short section on what he leaves in the people present. Then a last line of about 20 words, usually his own words.

• How do you outline a eulogy?

  Do not outline it top to bottom. Write the two stories first, fast and badly, then the one honest sentence about him, then the last line, then the opening once you know what it is opening. The connecting lines are written last, because connective tissue written first turns into filler.

• Should I use a eulogy template?

  Use the structure, not the sentences. A template supplies wording, and borrowed wording is the thing a room can hear from the back. The six sections tell you what each part is for and how long it runs, and every word inside them should be yours.

• How many stories should a eulogy have?

  Two, told properly. Each needs a place, an action and a line of speech, and each runs about 150 words. Six stories mentioned in passing give the room a list. Two given room give them the man.