You are speaking about your own child, and the room is going to try to make it about the tragedy.

There is no shape of speech that makes this proportionate, and this page is not going to pretend otherwise. What follows is only the practical part, which is the part that is currently in your way.

Start with the thing everyone gets wrong about a child’s funeral. The room will arrive braced, silent, and desperate not to say the wrong thing. Left alone it will spend an hour on the fact that a child died and never once meet your child.

Your speech is the only thing that can introduce them.

Say the small things, and say a lot of them

A long life gets summarised: the career, the marriage, the house. A short one cannot be, and does not need to be. It is made of the domestic and the exact, and that is a strength here rather than a shortage.

• what they were obsessed withThe dinosaur, the bus routes, the one song 400 times, the football club, the specific shade of green. Name it precisely. Every person in that room who ever bought them a present will feel it land.
• what they were funny aboutChildren are funny on purpose and adults forget to report it. Quote them. Their own words, their own mispronunciation, the thing they said at the table in April. You are allowed to make the room laugh and it will be grateful.
• what they were like to live withThe 6am routine, the bad negotiating, the immovable opinion about socks. This is the material nobody else in the building has.
• who they were kind toOne person, named. A sibling, a friend at school, a neighbour’s dog. It says more about a character than any adjective and it gives that person something to keep.
• what they were going to doSaid plainly, once, without a conclusion drawn from it. “He was going to be a marine biologist, and he had a list.” Then move on. The room will do the rest and you should not have to.

It is allowed to be 90 seconds

Nothing about a eulogy’s length is a rule, and no one has ever left a child’s funeral thinking the parent spoke too briefly. 6 sentences that are unmistakably about your child beat 4 minutes of anything else.

• 0:00Their name, and one sentence of them mid-action. Not their age, not the date, not thanks for coming.
• 0:20The obsession, named exactly, with one piece of evidence.
• 0:50Something they said, in their words. Let the room laugh if it wants to.
• 1:20Who they were kind to, by name.
• 1:40One line to them. Then stop, and do not add anything after it.

If you cannot read it

Then you do not read it. This is not a compromise and there is no version of the day where you owe the room a performance.

• hand it to one personA sibling, an uncle, the celebrant. Give them the printed copy the day before, not on the morning, and let them read it once out loud in private first. Your words in someone else’s mouth are still entirely your words.
• stand next to themSome parents cannot speak but can be seen to be there. Standing beside the reader, saying nothing, is a complete and dignified option that celebrants arrange all the time.
• start it and let them finishRead the first paragraph, which is the part you most want in your own voice, then hand the paper over at an agreed line. Mark that line on both copies.
• print it and give it outIf nobody should read it aloud, it can be printed on the order of service instead. It still does the job, which is to introduce your child to a room that only knows what happened.

Three lines that work

Ella was 7, and she believed with total confidence that she was in charge of this family, and to be fair to her she mostly was.

an opening that puts a person in the room in 20 words

He asked me in February whether crabs could get sunburn. I said I would find out. I never did, so if anybody here knows, I would still like to be told.

their words, kept exactly. The room is allowed to laugh here

Thank you for 7 years, Ella. You were the best thing we ever did.

an ending: one line to them, then stop

If the death was sudden, or by suicide, or the room is angry rather than sad, read when it was too soon as well. It covers what to say when nobody in the building has accepted it yet.

• What do you say in a eulogy for a child?

  Introduce them, because the room only knows what happened. Say what they were obsessed with, quote something they actually said, describe what they were like to live with, and name one person they were kind to. Open on their name and one sentence of them mid-action, and end with a single line addressed to them.

• How long should a eulogy for a child be?

  As short as you need. 90 seconds is enough, and no one has ever thought a parent spoke too briefly at their child’s funeral. 6 sentences that are unmistakably about your child are worth more than 4 minutes of anything general.

• Can someone else read it for me?

  Yes, and it is a normal thing celebrants arrange. Give the printed copy to one named person the day before so they can read it once in private, and stand beside them if you want to be seen to be there. You can also read the first paragraph yourself and hand over at a line marked on both copies.

• Is it alright to be funny about a child who died?

  Yes, if the joke is theirs. Quoting something your child genuinely said and letting the room laugh is not a lapse; it is the only moment in the service when they will be present as a person rather than an event. Never make the joke about the death itself.