paste,
then choose
This is counted in your browser. Nothing you paste here is sent to us or saved anywhere, so you can put your father in the box.
who else is speaking
3 to 5 minutes. The common case, and the safest target.
The big number is the one that matters. It assumes 130 words a minute, because that is the speed people read at when the body in the room is their father’s.
the table
Words to minutes, if you would rather look it up
- 300 words2 minutes 20 seconds
- 400 words3 minutes 5 seconds
- 500 words3 minutes 50 seconds
- 650 words5 minutes
- 800 words6 minutes 10 seconds
- 1,000 words7 minutes 40 seconds
- 1,300 words10 minutes
Those are read-aloud times at 130 words a minute. Add 20 seconds for one real pause and 40 if you already know the sentence that will stop you.
Do not write to the top of your slot. Nobody in the history of funerals has complained that a eulogy was too short, and plenty of people have watched a speaker lose the room at minute 9.
over,
and by a lot
What to cut first, in order
- 01The biography.Born here, moved there, worked 31 years at the plant. Everyone in the room knows it, and the ones who do not will not remember it. Two sentences, maximum, and only if a job actually explains who he was.
- 02The second story that makes the same point.If you have two stories about his generosity, the stronger one is stronger for standing alone. Keep the one with a specific object in it.
- 03The thank-yous.The hospice, the neighbours, the woman who brought food. Real gratitude, wrong speech. Give that list to whoever speaks at the reception.
- 04Anything that is about you.Not the parts where you appear, which are the speech. The parts where you explain how hard this week has been for you.
- 05Adjectives.Cutting “he was a kind, generous, loving, hard-working man” to “he was kind” loses nothing and buys you 8 seconds. What he did with his hands proves the rest.
What never gets cut for time: the opening, the last line, and the one sentence that is the truest thing you have to say. If the arithmetic is asking you to cut one of those, cut two adjectives instead.
The longer version of all this, with the full table and the slot rules, is on how long a eulogy should be, in minutes and words. If you have not written anything yet, start at where to start when the page is blank.
asked
at 11pm
The questions people type at this hour
- How many words is a 5 minute eulogy?About 650 words at 130 words a minute, which is the speed a grieving person reads at. If you time yourself calmly at home and get 5 minutes, expect 5 minutes 30 on the day.
- How long does a 500 word eulogy take to read?3 minutes 50 seconds, read aloud, grieving. 3 minutes 20 if nothing catches in your throat. Either way it sits comfortably inside a 3 to 5 minute slot.
- Why 130 words a minute and not 150?150 is a confident person reading a business presentation. At a funeral you pause where you did not plan to, you stop to breathe, and if you cry you lose 10 to 20 seconds. Every eulogy we have timed runs slower than the writer expected.
- How many pages is a 5 minute eulogy?Roughly 2 and a half pages double-spaced in 12 point, or a page and a bit single-spaced. Print it in 16 point or larger anyway. You will be reading it at arm's length with your hands shaking.
- Is 10 minutes too long for a eulogy?10 minutes is a ceiling, not a goal, and only if you are the only person speaking. If two or three others speak as well, one of them will overrun, and being the short one is a kindness to everybody in the room.
- Do you keep what I paste in?No. The counting happens in your browser. Nothing you paste on this page is sent to us, stored, or logged, which is why we can ask you to paste the real thing.
or do it
with the desk
Everything above is free. The desk is what happens when you need the words out of you, tonight.
Nine questions, one at a time, in the order that actually produces material. Six minutes in it shows you two sentences you would genuinely say out loud, with your own phrases underlined underneath, so you can see it is you and not a machine’s idea of the person who died. That part is free and it arrives before you are asked for anything.
If you want the whole thing — the assembled script, the read-aloud version with the breath marks and the two lines where people break, printable, yours to keep — it is $39, once. No account, no subscription.
No account, no password, no card until the end. About 15 minutes.